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Some Alternative Valentine's Day Advice

Anita De Bauch, shot by me. This was actually a halloween shoot but hey!

 

I don't do Valentine's Day.

 

And it's nothing to do with being single. I've actually been in a romantic relationship for 3 and a half years, and we have never celebrated Valentine's Day. Why? Because we don't believe that you need a "special" (see: marketing gimmick) day to show eachother how we feel. 

 

I've read some great articles from singletons (particularly love this one from Lea of The High Tea Cast, which is a superb blog) and of course the deluge of Valentine's tips and advice, mainly aimed at men regarding buying lingerie for a female. I've even read a few articles that seem to have the outdated idea that when a man pays for a date, it is then up to the woman to pay him back with sex. 

 

Now, I'm lucky enough not to have ever dated, or been friends with, a man who thinks that by spending money he is OWED sex (or in fact, owed sex in general). So, much to my dismay, I was surprised to find out that this primitive way of thinking didn't die out in the 1900s. Not only that, but men are being actively encouraged to think like this.

 

So here is my Valentine's advice, if you so wish to use this one day a year to show that special person (and I'm talking about those of you who are straight, bisexual, homosexual or otherwise inclined - too much Valentine's Day advice/marketing is aimed at men buying for women) you love them:

 

1. Don't just stop at Valentine's Day.

If you REALLY, really want to get involved on the day, do so, but don't make it a once a year thing. The most romantic gestures are often complete surprises.

 

 2. You don't need to spend a wad of cash on a dinner date to show you care. 

The best gifts I've ever had are hand-made and meaningful. I'm assuming you know what your partner or date likes, even if it's just their favourite film? Then hand-make (or if you are as useless at drawing as I am, hunt for something someone else hand-made on Etsy) something which will show your partner how much you appreciate and recognise their interests. Humour is great too. 

 

For example, my boyfriend knows how I love Bioshock, so he crept outside our flat one night and knocked on the door. When I opened the door, there was an empty bottle with a message inside and a box - the message in the bottle said "Would You Kindly Open The Box", inside the box was a Big Daddy toy!  

 


 

3. In a straight relationship, it should not be the man's responsibility to buy for the woman. 

This isn't the '50s, it's common for women to be working for their money, and equality goes both ways. It is not acceptable for women to expect a gift from their male partner, just as it is not acceptable for a man to expect sex in return. Girls, I know it's nice to feel spoilt once in a while, but it also feels amazing to do the same for others, including him! The best dates I've had with my partner have been those where we have both paid for and arranged different things throughout the day!

 

4. How and when to buy a woman lingerie.

I'm actually surprised that the emphasis is put on men buying women lingerie, because I'm pretty sure it's just as difficult for women buying women lingerie. Guys, you are constantly being given patronising advice regarding buying women lingerie, under the pretense that you are incapable of dressing yourself let alone falling head-first into the lingerie sizing jungle. 

 My opinion is that each case is different. There is no "trick" to buying the "right" lingerie for a female partner, because each individual case is different. For example, I've never been bought lingerie because I am ridiculously picky (not to mention have very expensive tastes, which would make me feel uncomfortable if someone were to buy me something from my wishlist). If I were in the dating game and a man bought me lingerie fairly early on in the relationship, I would probably be put off. So, make sure you really know her before you consider buying her something.

And even then, how sexy the lingerie is is a rather dangerous game to play. Unless she's a complete sex kitten, it's probably best to go with something luxurious and well-made rather than full on crotchless briefs and harness. 

 The sizing game is a tough one too. But you don't need to be buying her a bra. There's a whole plethora of lingerie that is much easier to size correctly. If you only have an incredibly vague idea, what about a silk chemise? Also, so many brands do little easy gifts now (including *cough* these Beauty Queen Pin Up Tins from Playful Promises), usually knickers that have enough stretch to be vaguely sized as small, medium or large. Alternatively, go to a small independent lingerie boutique and ask for help - the ladies that work there will be more than happy to give you some ideas. 

 

Also, for those fellas reading.

2012 Through The Lens

When I look back through my 2012 portfolio, I feel, perhaps for the first time, that my photography has improved throughout the year.

I shot 5 commercial lookbooks (two for clothing, one swimwear, one lingerie and one unreleased lingerie) plus the Love Bomb independent brand campaign.

 

Two of my favourite lookbook shots. Left: (Shot in November) Miss Miranda modelling one of the design competition winning entries for PP. Right: (Shot in November) Chantal modelling the Playful Promises AW13 collection.

 

The Love Bomb Campaign featured 10 independent UK lingerie/swimwear/accessory designers and was designed to raise awareness for KICK-ASS indie brands. We were shortlisted for the "Marketing Campaign" UK Lingerie Award, up against two mega-brands with buckets of cash to spend on their campaigns. I'd say that's pretty awesome.

 

I'm incredibly lucky in my job for Playful Promises to be able to work on creative projects too!

Top: Halloween mini-campaign featuring Anita de Bauch and Dexter. Left: Leah Debrincat as Cleopatra for one of our online magazine features. Right: Miss Miranda inspired by John Willie/Bizarre Magazine of the 1950s for a blog post.


I also took on the lookbook for a more risque brand, Fabulously Fetish, a kinky shoe/boot company. This was a tough, 9 hour long shoot, but I do feel like it's one of the best I've ever produced. 

Yeah, I've worked with Miss Miranda a lot <3 

 

I've worked with some amazing creative people on collaborative projects, including Amerlia Arsenic.

It's interesting to see how other people edit the shots I take! Love how Amelia has done this!

 

As well as some of the most jaw-droppingly beautiful burlesque artists.

Marianne Cheesecake and Vicky Butterfly. As intelligent and inspiring as they are beautiful!

 

I've also taken a fair share of self portraits (though, not as many as a few years ago!)

 

I'm pretty happy with what I've produced this year. Fingers crossed, next year I have the time to create even more!

For the past few months, excluding lookbook work, I haven't been working on my photography as much as I would have liked. DJing has taken up a lot of my time, with photography taking a back seat while I learn and perform. There's a lot I want to learn and do in 2013. Let's see.

 

Happy (belated) Birthday to me!

Yes, I am a bit late, but I turned 23 on the 13th! 

I had a fairly quiet birthday, seeing a few friends on the Saturday before for dinner at my favourite restaurant, dinner with my boyfriend and parents the day before and then a nice relaxing day off work on the day! My boyfriend had set up a few surprises for me during the day, to make me feel special (and very lucky).

It seems I also had a lot of cake. Which I'm not complaining about.

 

My colleagues are too lovely <3

 

HUGE (as big as my face) meringue for dessert with my parents


Look what arrived in the mail!!!

Another gift from my sweetheart.

 

He also came home with champagne and chocolates, and we sat in bed watching the Charlie Chaplin Revue. Best birthday I've had for a long time!